40 is not equal to 40

As I stated in my last post, 40 doesn't equal 40.
From a mathematical point of view this is totally wrong of course. However in life this is definitely true.
My mother had me at 40. The same age I am now.
My Mom was fun and active. She always knew what was cool and trending. She had amazing skin and hair. All around she just seemed younger. In fact compared to most of my friends my Mom always seemed to be the young one, even though she was the oldest. Often by at least 10 years. I was the kid with the cool Mom.
Now here I am at 40. Unlike my Mother my energy is pretty low. Even though I like to think I am pretty cool, I know I am not as in touch with what is hot and what is not as I would like to be. I already have crows feet and kind of a lot of gray hair.
Life just isn't fair. But what is it that keeps her so young for so long and has me aging much faster.
I don't think it is life stress. While I am sure it plays it's part, my mother had a hard life. She lived through a war (and yes she was a Child in Germany during WWII, so she really lived through war) She was sexually assaulted at a young age, had an abusive first husband, and raised 4 boys on her own. Then at 40 (20 years after her oldest and 16 after her youngest) She had another baby with her second husband.
My life on the other hand has been pretty easy. I had supportive parents (who yes had their problems, but who doesnt?) I met my husband in my very early 20's and here we are still happily married after all these years. We do have our occasional problems, but he is most definitely not abusive. I only have two Children and they are 9 years apart. So really stress isn't it... .well unless it is stress that has kept her young.
It could be general health I guess. My mother has had diabetes and high blood pressure for as long as I can remember, but other then that she has been pretty healthy.
I am healthy on the books but I do have a severe wait problem that causes me problems. It doesn't take much to wear me out and I spent probably a good 4 years in a constant  state of pain. I have only actually been pain free for a few months, and part of me worries it is just temporary. I am sure that has a lot to do with it.
Maybe it is just attitude. My Mom always said she never knew how old she was until she looked into a mirror. I on the other hand am always very aware of how old I am, how many more years before I hit a certain age, or before my Children will reach a certain mile stone in life.
I think that might actually be a big part of it. My mother always lived for the moment  (now that she is 80 and my father passed she lives in the past and age has definitely caught up with her) where I always have been planning what will come next.
So I guess my goal should be to live more in the now. (Feel like that is a contradiction some how lol)
I might not turn back the hands of time but maybe I can slow them down.

Hubby's High School reunion

Last night we went to my husbands High School reunion.
Not the official one, but the one thrown by a friend, for everyone who hung out together in High School.

It still amazes me what a very wide array of friends my husband has. Everything from the up and coming business man, to the go lucky no worries kind of guy. The people that will never have to worry about money and the people who will always have to worry about money. Yet when these guys get together, there is no social or economical class or division of. No, there are only buddies hanging out reliving old memories having a good time.

The thing is, it isn't as if life choices put them in these roles. Life choices helped, don't get me wrong, but the really rich friends had lots of money when they where in High School, and the really poor had none. But these guys didn't care. They enjoyed each others company, so they hung out and where friends.

I wish everyone was like this. Let's not look to see how much your bottom line is worth. Let's look to see if we like each other and get along. Life should always be like this.

The other thing that totally amazed me, where how many of the women there where pregnant. To be fair, I am a year and a half older then my husband, so I was the oldest one there. Some of the wives are younger than their husbands, but no one has like a super young wife. It struck me that if I where to get pregnant again, I don't know how I would handle it. Then I got to thinking about the fact that many older women have babies. In fact my mother had me at 40. The very next thought I had was that 40 is not equal to 40. This will be something that I write about in another blog post.

Again I was struck by how little it mattered where we were in our lives. The guys who have never had a serious relationship, the married couple expecting their first, the married couples expecting their 'not first' and us couples who are done having children. The differences don't matter to this group.

I guess the whole point of this blog post is, that I am greatfull to have people in my life, that just care about the fact that they enjoy each other's company, and that is it.

Birthday started as kind of a bummer

So I know a lot of people have an issue with turning 40.

For me my biggest 'issue' was that I wasn't doing the Camino. Other then that I didn't care. But it is still a milestone, so make a little bit of a show?

Thanks to Social media I had lots of Birthday wishes. Thank goodness or I would have been really bummed.

I work at a place that has just recently opened. It has been open for only 3 weeks actually. One other employee had a birthday since we opened.  It was her 21st.  Another milestone one. We got her a card and a cake. I got....a few "Happy Birthday"s and that was it. Well to be fair I did get to leave work kind of early, because my husband and I had planes for dinner. I tried not to let it bother me that I didn't get a card or cake, but it did bother me. I have known most of the employees and the boss for years. So it bother me.

When I got home, my husband and kids took a few moments from their electronics to watch me open gifts. Then they went back to what they where doing. My husband no longer wanted to go out to eat because he had blood work the next day. Then he got kind of annoyed because I was annoyed and said I no longer cared what we had for dinner then.

At this point I honestly no longer wanted to do anything.
I didn't care about what age I was, but I sure did care no one else seem to really care that it was my Birthday.

I decided to try and shake off my bad mood. I asked my sister-in-law and her husband if they wanted to go with me and my husband to the pier to watch the sunset. I asked my children if they wanted to come. When my teen started to moan about it I told him he could stay home. I was after all trying to avoid negative emotions. He was quite thrilled by the way. I made sure not to seem annoyed because I didn't want him to feel guilty.

We all went down to the pier, and I wound up having a really good time.

I am still bothered by the fact, that no one made an effort to mark the occasion, but I am looking at this as an opportunity to do some self-evaluation. Why did no one make an effort, and why does it bother me so? If I come up with anything I will be sure to share.

Trish is 40....today

Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to me, Haaaapppppyy Birthday dear Mmmeeeee. Happy Birthday to me.

Well here it is I have turned the big 4 0 today.
One of those big milestone Birthdays, that as an American women I am preconditioned to dread.
Truth be told though, I don't dread these, or any birthdays for that matter.  After all it is just a number. Still a mile stone though.

For years I have been imagining my 40th birthday. I was going to be backpacking through Spain on the Camino. A month long journey of spiritual awakening and self discovery. That has been the plan for the longest time.

Well up until a little over 4 years ago. My father passed away, and my Mother moved in with us. I love my Mother to death, but she can be difficult. There is no way I can leave my family behind for a month while my Mother is living with us. They would drive each other to insanity, and not all of them might survive that.

The realization that I would not be making this trek, at least not now, made me sad. After all I deserve my spiritual awakening, self discovery journey, don't I?
Well, believe it or no't that is where this Blog comes in. Really, I don't need to travel, to discover myself. Spiritual awakening, I believe, comes from truly knowing yourself. So I will keep this Blog and hopefully find my true self. If nothing else it will be therapeutic to write down my thoughts.